Arthur Otley and the Order of the Arthropods

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Spelling trouble
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"I know I am called Arthur Otley," you say. "But is my name who I really am?"

"Excellent point Arthur! I can see by your question that you are already on the path to enlightenment. Because it is only when we realise that we don't know everything that we can learn."

Madame Blavatsky smiles at you. "And because you are ready to learn I will now teach you your first spell."

"But first can anyone tell me," she says addressing the whole class now, "what is the most common cause of death for wizards and witches? Anyone?"

"Fighting trolls?" suggests Aaron.

"Soul suckers?" proposes another child.

"Dragon fire? Werewolves? Vampires?"

"No, no and no again." replies Professor Blavatsky. "The one thing that is most likely to kill you more than anything else is: each other."

"Let me explain. Imagine it is night time, 3am in the morning. You hear a noise downstairs. Immediately you are on the alert. It could be burglars. Or more likely dark wizards on the attack. You creep downstairs, wand at the ready. You can hear them rummaging around in the kitchen. You leap out shouting the most deadly spells you can think of. Only to discover... it is your Uncle Brian who is visiting for the weekend and has come down in the night to help himself to a biscuit. Now he is paralysed on the kitchen floor, a look of horror on his face and the packet of biscuits grasped so tightly in his hand that no-one else will be eating them ever again."

"Yes I'm afraid to say that the most common cause of death is 'friendly fire', or over-reacting to an imagined threat. The sad fact is that you are all in far more danger from each other than from any evil sorcerer. Which is why the spell I am going to teach you to protect against dark magic is a sleeping spell. It is one I designed myself. To wake someone up from this spell you just need to tickle them under their armpits."

Blavatsky then whips out her wand and points it at Aaron.

"Somnolencia salchicha sabrosa!" she yells out.

A dart of pure golden light shoots out of the end of her wand and hits Aaron right in the middle of his forehead. In less than a half a second his head has sunk down to his arms on his desk and he is snoring like a sailor.

The class breaks out into a round of applause.

"Make sure you get the pronunciation just right when you cast the spell" Blavataksy advises as she walks over to Aaron and tickles him under the armpits.

"He he he! What happened?" says Aaron, confused.

The class splits into pairs and you practice sending each other to sleep. Because Aaron is still a bit drowsy you go first, pointing your wand at his forehead just as the teacher did:

"Somnolencia salchicha sabrosa..." you repeat carefully.

You feel a wonderful feeling of magical power gathering in your tummy. In an instant it has whooshed up out of your arm, channelled by the wand into a golden dart that zaps Aaron on the head, for the second time in as many minutes.

In no time at all he is asleep and snoring again.

"I did it!" you shout. "The magic spell worked!"

Delighted with your success you tickle Aaron under the armpits. As he wakes up giggling you try hard to memorise the spell 'Somnolencia salchicha sabrosa' - you never know when it may come in handy.

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1. Murmuring the words of the spell to yourself, you go back to the school hall. ~ Go to number 225